So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
