Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Text me some of your sweat
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