I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
