Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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