All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
