note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
