if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
