If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
be right there i have to get my cape
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
