one might say we're banned from that church
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize