just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize