My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
