fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
