My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
