There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize