Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
