how can u be prego again
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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