we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
