i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
