Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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