i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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