I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
