I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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