I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
