Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
