i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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