you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
