So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
