I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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