Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
