life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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