if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
