i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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