My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
