Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
