Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
