i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
