Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize