He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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