I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
