I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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