So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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