Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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