Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
