decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
