u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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