i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize