I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
