I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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