WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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