OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
