I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
