Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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