Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
