Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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