possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You have to summon your inner elephant
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
