My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
