we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you inspire me to be a worse person
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
