I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
