Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
