I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
