you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
