You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
