she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
