but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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