I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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