i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
