Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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