wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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