Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
