fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
