I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
