Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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