i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
