Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
