I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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