the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
