just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
