I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
