I swear she didn't look like that last week.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
